Think back to a time when you got caught for doing something wrong by an authority-figure and at the time of getting caught your heart was racing to the point where it literally ached, your face felt hot and you felt like crying. I’m sure every single human being has gone through this feeling at least once during their youth, because it is normal. But, imagine having that feeling over something smaller such as a test grade or being late to a practice. Imagine having that same painful feeling over something as small as wondering why one of your assignments says 0/10 in the online grade book. That’s what anxiety is like.
One of my friends has never experienced an anxiety attack (lucky her) and the best way I could explain it to her is getting feelings/thoughts so mixed up all at once to the point where it’s effecting your actual body, causing you to feel pressure and to barely be able to breathe. I told her that the reason these attacks happen more frequently to certain people is because if one has anxiety, they overthink. A lot. Example: If someone without anxiety received a text message from a guy they liked that said “Okay.” they most likely would not have thought anything of it. Here’s how that exact situation can play out for someone who has struggles with anxiety. This person may begin to think: Wait a minute; he never texts the full word “okay” he always says “ok” did I do something wrong? And the O is capitalized! He never texts with capital letters! And the period? I’ve never seen him actually put a period at the end of his text. What did I do? Why is he mad at me? Maybe he’s talking to another girl now.
That example may seem a little silly, but it is actually a very accurate portrayal of anxiety. Personally, the smallest difference in how a person talks to me can cause me to conjure up a bunch of negative scenarios that could explain why they said what they said.
I am going to use a specific situation to explain my next point. I think the worst feeling is knowing people don’t believe me when I say I struggle with anxiety. Something that really, really annoyed me today that actually gave me the idea to write this was when a girl I hang around a lot due to mutual friends told me I use anxiety as an excuse to “not do things.” I was actually quite shocked when she said that because I had previously explained my anxiety to her since whenever I am around a person a lot I think they should know that part of me as it may effect my mood and the way I react to certain things. She acted as if she understood, but apparently she does not understand at all. After telling me that I use anxiety as an excuse she referred to a time when we were on a hike and I was very tired. There was a steep hill coming up and I stopped and had a full-blown anxiety attack in public because of the thought of going up the hill for some reason triggered my anxiety big time. She thinks I “used my anxiety” as an excuse not to go up the hill yet I did eventually go up.
I guess what I’m trying to get across is that what people need to understand is that it isn’t possible to “use” anxiety because you can’t control it! You don’t know when small things are going to go wrong. You can’t decide “Okay, right now I’m going to have a full-on anxiety attack to get out of doing something.” I personally think it is quite ignorant to think that is a possibility. That that’s not at all how it works. I hope someone reading this who doesn’t understand what anxiety is like truly learned from this, even if it’s one person.
Thoughts of a Millennial 